Mean People Actually Do Suck

Being in the company of bad news bears is emotionally and physically draining. Not to mention the toil of their snarks and sneers which incite an insatiable pain in my neck.  Mean people are literally a pain in my neck that I recently sought medical attention for.  Turns out it is partly the fault of a feisty aging vertebrate associated with highly sensitive nerves that do not tolerate the likes of mingy bad news bears.

Mean people suck. Sure, I feel bad for them.  I really do.  It is just as exhausting for the little bastards as it is us.  Always something going wrong and if there's nothing currently going wrong….Well…Don't just stand there! Let's make something go terribly wrong.  And then for fun let's blame it on somebody else and if that fails we'll pretend to be crummy friends again.

Don't get me wrong.  I know some of these bnb's have some issues going on.  But really…It's no excuse.  Eventually, we all have to get over ourselves and pay attention.

You reap what you sow. The Big Book

You only get what you give.  New Radicals

Instant Karma's gonna get you.  John Lennon 

C'est la Vie.  

French phrase which roughly translates to…Shit happens.  

Get over it.  That's life.  Didn't your parents ever tell you life isn't fair?  Well, it's not.  Next!  

I highly recommend some sources for bnb's.  Oddly enough these same sources are great for the kind hearted as well.  The first is the book "Have You Filled a Bucket Today?" 

Are you a bucket filler? Well, you should strive to be one.  

A song with a happy beat, positive message, and good drums works wonders for the spirit. 

"Instant Karma's gonna get you. Gonna knock you right on the head."

Three Cheers for Ding Dongs

It called me by name…It whispered sweet nothings in my ear. It was shameful.  I casually glanced over my shoulder to see if a passerby would catch me in my attempt to commit this most deplorable act.  The crime of purchasing Sweet…Honest to Goodness, Tasty Treats for my…CHILDREN!  The horror of buying sugar laden cakes filled with luscious, sweet cream filling.  

They could become overweight! 

Get Type II Diabetes!  

Become an IV drug user!  

Not be able to think straight once that stuff hits their delicate nervous system…  

And then not get accepted into college!  

These kids today are killing me with their healthy choices.  Last summer a sweet, friendly tween quickly changed demeanor and gave me the horse eye after offering a juice box and the only water I had was on tap.  

Later, I took a chance for a slumber party.  I know the human nature quite well…Initial contact can be tough.  People want to know what they'll get out of the relationship.  Well, I brought the usual suspects…Coke, pizza, cookies, and a strawberry shortcake (for the fruitans).  What began as "just looking" turned into an ape crazy whirlwind of girls coming back for seconds exclaiming, "I'm never allowed to eat this stuff." The guilt poured over me like chocolate drizzle on a sundae.  I just supplied these girls with their first hit. If these girls ever share what happened tonight they may never be allowed to come over again. 

What's killing me even more is how did they become like this?  How did this irrational fear of Ding Dongs and the like come about?  Not to mention, the irrational fear of public parks, apple juice consumption, the guy driving down the street, the guy parked on the street, and the guy walking down the street...The fear of simply stepping out of your house….Alone…Especially if it is dusk…and if it's dark….Forget About It! The fright and panic I have seen by both children and their grown up is enough to ruffle my feathers and my children's too.  But I assure them they are safe.  You cannot live in fear like Sigourney Weaver in Copycat.  (Her reasons for living life as a recluse were actually legitimate, however, it was a movie and we do not need to instill that kind of fear in our children.)  

Fear creates dependence.  Courage builds confidence.  

Perfection is a cover up.  Messing up is real.  

And by all accounts is one of the best tools for learning. 

Believe me…I am learning stuff all the time.

Kids don't want to get hurt anymore than we don't want them to.  They have a brain.  Let them use it once in awhile for something that is actually of interest and worthwhile to them.  
Let them play…Outside.  
Let them get dirty.  
Let them be themselves.  
Let them have recess.  
Let them hang out with their friends….Unsupervised.  It doesn't matter how cool you think you are…because really…You're not.  I know…It's a shocker but there comes a time when we all need to find that out. 
Let them explore…I'm not talking about the row of bushes in your front yard either.  And let them eat a damn Ding Dong once in awhile.  

Ode to Miss B

She is moody, intense, and will give you what for!

She is Brilliant.  Creative.  A thinker.

She will fight you for it.

She hates to grow up.

She likes a challenge.

She has a preference for fleece.

She can shrug it off.

She is her own.

She is courage.

She says all I dream to say.

She is all I dreamt to be.

She is the amazing Miss B.

"Don't drink. Don't smoke. What do you do?" Adam Ant

Since ditching my vices awhile back I have come across an obscene amount of time on my hands….and you know what they say about idle hands.  Needless to say I have come to know and love many new activities….

Working with metals….

American Lit Course….

Bicycling...

Jim Henson

Part Time Gig…

Working Girl Oyster Magazine

 Shot by Tung Walsh

Styling by Stevie Dance

Model Madison Hope Headrick

And most recently, learning New Vocabulary for Third Grade Math…

Additionally, I have spent countless hours in excess on Facebook, Google, and Duck Duck Goose. 

 I give my best effort to not attempt grout cleanings, baseboard wipe downs, or weigh myself down with extra loads of laundry.  

Some other items of interest that I will not be doing in the near future are as follows….

Make homemade play-doh

…So not fun. I will leave that to the super cool, hippy chick mama's out there.  This stuff infuriates me...

Decode stupidity….Not to confuse with accepting stupidity

…Refer to not giving a flip.  I could care less if you are stupid.  I agree to disagree...

Make homemade biscuits

…INFURIATING...

Accept free coffee 

…nothing in life is free, people...

Oh!  And tell you about the time I….

…that is for another time & place...

Frankly, my darling, I don't give a flying flip.

It took some time but I think I have this forty thing down.  

For one, I don't think my knee skin is that bad anymore.  Perhaps I've been looking at it far too long and became used to it.  You know…like how people can't smell their own chronic body odor after awhile.  

As far as the elbows go…Well…They are something of an eighth wonder for Master Hogan's amusement while standing in lines, meeting new people, or just while conversing with me about his day.  Oh, the look of awe while your child kneads the elbow with curiosity as if it were silly putty. 

Gray.  Its great density in one strand is fair enough for me.

Not really giving a flying flip. I've always admired that in old people and wondered how a few others got it early.  Somehow I missed my serving of Not Giving a Flip Pie.  I probably decided to stay in that night and watch Melrose Place instead.  Better late than never.  I do believe I will have seconds, please!  

999 Smokes

I have enjoyed 100's, filterless, lights, organic, bargain, and clove.  Oh, sweet Clove…Sleek…Black…Gold Detail...Popping sparks with each inhalation…And leave you with a pile of bricks on the chest in the morning.  

Smoking is cool, you know.  I adore this photograph of Charlotte Gainsbourg.  What I wouldn't do to be French!  One of my favorite past times is chain smoking in a beatnik coffee house. 

Alas, it is no longer the 90's.  My fingers are no longer decorated with silver, black onyx, chipped Vamp, and a cigarette.  Nor is Charlotte's.  

"9 Weeks. 6 Days. Saved yourself from 999 cigarettes"  

Imagining that dirty ash tray... eh…how do you say?...dégueulasse!

The Sandwich has left the building.

After all this time it has come to this. Apparently, one of my worst nightmares has come true…I…am...Out of Touch. 

The Sandwich is dead. "Everyone brings leftovers from dinner." Leftovers for lunch?!  The utter dismay and disappointment by the absence of last night's morsels in the lunchbox must have left my foodies in such a melancholic state that the mere mention of leftovers for dinner induces groans and sudden loss of appetite.  

"The girl next to me brought sushi.  But it was melted." Somehow melted room temperature sushi still makes the list of acceptable lunch options for today's child.  

"Yea, this one girl's dad works from home and brings her Chipotle everyday." Now, we're talking!  Wait! That's better than what I ate today…and yesterday…you guessed it...  

Viva la Sandwich

What is Duck, Duck, Goose you ask? Well, it's a game, silly.

First, you must find your place amongst the circle on one of the largest, most colorful rug that you will ever encounter in your lifetime.  Next, take in all the faces watching your every move.  There are friends, strangers, and the ever present enemy. Carefully or unabashedly take your position and sit Indian Style or Kris Kross Apple Sauce…whichever your generation is most comfortable with...I choose the former because it is simply an observation rather than a political statement. The butterflies should be fluttering at full velocity at this time.

Waiting…I hope they don't pick me.  Waiting…Phew.  Waiting…Geez..I never get picked.  Waiting…I can totally catch him.  Waiting…GOOSE!

And that's how it all goes.  Sometimes we just get that hovering hand over our head.  Other times we get whacked by that kid who eats his boogers.  And better yet, there is the slight tap of a finger method.  No matter what approach life gives us we must get up…even if our feet our asleep…and RUN!  

"Fall is here, hear the yell. Back to school, ring the bell" White Stripes "We're Going to be Friends"

And then a funny thing occurred…the source of that voice became clearer…

it was me…alone with my thoughts.